The only royalties that should exist are artist’s comp & pop culture

How I learned to embrace my fear and walk the talk

Sep 16, 2025

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Note: part of this was written before I went to Middlebury (6/15/25) but I wasn’t able to get it done before my Language Pledge®1. My tone may be outdated and inconsistent but I feel the message is important even now.

Maybe the Bene Gesserit2 had a point - fear really is the mindkiller. They do go rather extreme about it though. If they saw me the way I was for the past 5-7 years, I probably would’ve been gone already due to letting my fear jump on the driver’s seat. That’s probably why I felt more in awe with Janeway’s approach - she saw fear as a friend because sometimes fear does have a justification to be there.3 The key thing is taking the time to know what is the difference between the terror that stops you and the fear that keeps you on your toes.

Believe it or not, there really is an energetic difference: to me, one feels like super loud klaxons where I wish I can shut it off but how fast I find the shutdown button depends on how visible the bridge is. The other feels like a mentor guiding me on a walk in the woods - aware enough for any lions, tigers, or bears that emerge but calm enough that I can still appreciate what’s around me. The tricky part is sometimes the latter can effectively disguise itself as the former via the siren treatment and that’s precisely what it did for a while. The siren baits you with pretty sound logic and then rockets you to space with the worst case scenario, making you think it’s a black hole when it’s really a perfectly sound wormhole.

That’s precisely what’s been gong through my mind the last few days with everything that has been going on in my world and the world in general. The talk of World War III’s looming large, anybody can be a target for ICE now - including citizens, and I’m about to drop into a language program that I have no idea if I’ll survive let alone thrive in. The internet has talked about the threats of censorship in recent discourse, but that’s been the thing from day one for those who live an existence on the margins. Even with the immense privilege of my education and experiences I’ve had up until this point, there’s a constant reminder from loved ones that my existence is fragile. Some of the internet discourse and my anxiety hasn’t helped in the spike of fear I’ve had in the past few years; I have to say the right thing the right way or I could be in the obituary pages tomorrow. At that point, I might as well keep my head down, save my audible words for prayers, and hope I’m invisible enough to live another day. But nowadays even keeping my head down and going about my business is not good enough anymore. Like it or not, we’re all gonna be in those pages at some point. It’s how we’re gonna be written up in those pages is what we should be focusing on instead.

The poignance of this period has really hit me over the past few days. I had an anxiety attack one night last week after having a deep conversation with a friend. I felt like my confidence was coming apart and I was super disconnected from my spirit. I tried to breathe through it and sit with my feelings but my mind was racing too hard for that to work. I felt terrified and helpless like I never had before. I pulled out my phone and tried to think of who I could call but it was 2am - no one I knew was gonna be up by that hour or they were doing their own business somewhere else in the world. The last thing I wanted to do was bother people despite my distress. So I did the only thing I knew I could do - I put some music on.

Three tracks came to mind that I felt like I needed to hear again. The theme became clear once the terror subsided - I needed to trust my own abilities and what was beyond me. This was such a significant comfort and source of power to be able to become the change I wanted to see in the world around me. I hope these tracks will do the same for you once you hear them.

The first track that came up was I Trust You by Jahnavi Harrison. With her backstory, you’d think she’s related to George Harrison of the Beatles but nope - she’s a powerhouse of her own making. I first heard her music through a couple of collaborations she did with Willow Smith (Krishna Keshava and the EP Rise). Her most recent album Into the Forest has been making the rounds on my afternoon walks but I Trust You has been a constant in my private prayers and she expressed that sentiment of a devotee perfectly. I often think of her words whenever I struggle and especially when I find things easy because that grace is always needed no matter what situation I’m in.

The second was Alright by Qveen Herby. I’ve been following them since their Karmin days and a few months earlier I watched a presentation featuring Her Highness with fellow spiritual creator Mia Magik which talked about her evolution into the Qveen she is today. One thing that stood out was how her husband Jedi Nick saw the transformation before she did - it came down to having faith and trusting that she could handle it. This song has a similar sentiment - sometimes you do have to admit when you need an extra helping hand and an affirmation that things will be okay on the other side of it all. Bonus points to those loved ones who’ve seen our magic and have been patient enough to see us to the other side.

The last song has been a part of me since childhood - Aad Guray Nameh. I first learned it through kirtan singer Snatam Kaur on the biofeedback game Journey to the Wild Divine. I lost track of the song until I was recovering from wisdom tooth surgery this year: I couldn’t sleep so I shuffled through tracks my phone’s algorithm thought matched my vibe. The cover by Deva Premal played when I was about to go to sleep and my inner child woke up. I cried through the song’s first minute. The song’s title is part of a Sikh mantra, which in its entirety translates to "I bow to the Primal Wisdom, I bow to the Wisdom through the Ages, I bow to the True Wisdom, I bow to the Great Unseen Wisdom.”4 When I learned later what the mantra is usually used for, it made so much sense why I felt so relieved and safe after I listened to it - it’s used for protection, guidance, clarity, and a reminder for trust in one’s self and the divine.

Hearing those tracks was like a custom sermon telling me to start stepping into my life fully, to be more in the ideals I want to live out in the world. I felt like I was hugged by a warm energy and I finally was able to sleep after that small moment of terror and insecurity. Not long after that, I was lucky enough to go to a bunch of festivals and museums. All of these places were monuments and churches of the human spirit. There were so many incredible things we witnessed - more music to sing and dance to, art pieces that spanned entire chambers and walls, messages from centuries and even decades past that resonate to today. One exhibition that resonated deeply with me was called Boom, which was a display of art, furniture, and articles from the 1940s5: these pieces displayed the world these artists saw and most importantly the world they wanted to live in on their own terms. A photo of a peace meeting in the middle of Union Square touched me and my friends deeply6: It certainly reminded me of what I wanted to achieve in and beyond my lifetime and that’s the energy that I carried into the No Kings Protest - to bring in the world that we wanted to see for ourselves and our children.

I didn’t have time to make a sign and I’m hoping to do so in the future should another strike come to pass. Even though I run a kingdom on this page and there may be royals who actually care about the lands and people they govern, in a place where we’re allegedly supposed to be the “land of the free”, the only royalties that should exist here are artist wages and in pop culture and even then they shouldn’t be the tyrannical kind. There were wildfires and there was rain threatening to overtake our protest. But it didn’t matter - whether it was online or in-person, people showed up.

I had my fears. There were the fears I described earlier about the state of the world. There was the possible escalation of violence (my heart goes out to Gov. Walz and all the Minnesotans at this time). There was even the possibility of social shame or punishment if anyone knew I participated. But seeing all those testaments of the human spirit: in art, in poetry, in presence. All of those fears meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, which is a better world for us and our children. I had to face those fears… until my beloved community and I remained.

This protest felt like a sacred duty to me - to speak up for and with the ones who needed the most support. There were people of all ages and abilities who showed up - elders and young children, students and office workers, soldiers and veterans. Everyone wanted to come out and say we were not going to tolerate the oppression they threatened to put us in any longer. I felt especially touched by this protest because not only was it going to be the final day I was working in the place I called my home for over a decade, I also saw several people that I’ve connected to over the years of being here rooting for change. If this isn’t what democracy looks like, I don’t know what is.

Even with the constant threats of violence from ICE or those who don’t share the same sentiments, this march on our streets, the congregations on Zoom, people sharing their stories and wishes for the future - we are all still here and we care about what happens to us next.

As I’ve just ended one chapter and about to go into the next one, this time in a language I’ve had limited context of, this has been a call to dive deep and face my fear until only I remain. Facing fear may not mean erasure like what the Bene Gesserit say - even Lady Jessica was not able to contain her fear despite her extensive training. It could be an embrace like what Admiral Janeway does and eventually fear has no choice but to be conquered and eventually… vanish.

Thank you for being patient with me as I rediscover my writing sea legs. There are more stories coming up so keep your eyes and ears open on this page.

There is a sequel march happening on October 18th. To find out where the nearest march is, organize one of your own, or find ways to help, visit https://www.nokings.org.

Take care of yourselves, stay safe, and may your heart be your guiding key.

The Third Nerd

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